crossroad…

when you come to a crossroad,
you wish you could cross over from any sides,
but wait, where are you heading to?

do you really wanna cross over?
will you regret later?

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just like our life,
we think we want something,
but do you really want it?
do you really need it?

sometimes there’s a red light,
telling you to wait with patience.

sometimes there’s a green light,
telling you to go for it.

sometimes you stood there,
wonder if you should cross.

you want it,
but you don’t need to have it.

you need it,
but you don’t want to have it.

after a while you are too tired to think,
maybe we shall leave it for now.

maybe someday we will come to the same crossroad again,
on a bright sunny day,
giving us a clear view of what’s ahead.

even if we missed it,
we made a decision,
to give up or go for it.

now is just a road not taken.

so what if you stumbled upon the same crossroad again?

get lost…

another trip needed,
to run away from the current reality,
to put aside all these disappointment.

i guess the art of enjoying a lonely life,
is to be really lonely and make the best out of it.

i’m afraid of new places,
that’s why i love to study the map,
because i hate getting lost,
but i love the surprises i’ll stumbled upon.

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i always wanted to go on a trip alone,
but somehow i will end up meeting a friend somewhere to accompany me,
i wish i could enjoy traveling alone,
but i wish even more if i could do that with that special someone.

do you enjoy traveling like i do too?

 

distances…

the first new year away from my family in malaysia and my dear friends.

the first time in another country.

everyone said i should go out and party since i’m in singapore,

if i’m gonna party or celebrate anything,

it has to be with my dear family or my close friends,

but they are not here with me.

i choose to stay at home again.

yeah again in my own room.

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feeling blessed…

although i’m alone in my room,

the internet keeps me connected with my friends..

messages, audio messages, calls and photos from my thoughtful friends…

all the way from hongkong, taiwan, new zealand and malaysia…

my tears flow down endlessly.

i can’t help it.

during this emotional period, they gave me lots of mental support…

true friends indeed…despite the distances.

but to my true love, where are you when i need your hug?

alone…

alone.

taking the bus or the train…

listening to all my favourite songs by Taeyeon,

daydreaming again.

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i love commuting alone,

but it feels lonely too.

and i always thought you might wait for me somewhere,

appear out of nowhere,

or even walk behind of me just to be there to make sure i’m alright.

it wasn’t right,

for my heart to keep anticipating for the next moment when i saw you again.

it wasn’t easy,

to tell my heart and mind not to think about you.

i hate this feeling.

lonely and helpless.

how do i stop myself?

hoping for a bit more will always lead myself to disappointment.

it doesn’t fit…

In every different stages of life, I would have a struggling moment when I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. No matter how hard I hope for it to stay the same.

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I hate the fact that it is constantly reminding me that I need to grow up; I need to move on; I need to be on my own. Even if the relationship remained but distance makes us feel apart. No matter how promises are there to guarantee the future, my heart knows the truth. New people, new attention. I’m left alone again.

Why can’t it just be the same forever?

Does that mean, I should put my attention on something new, someone new again?

That just makes my heart ache even more when all these little things means so much to me but yet I found out that it worth nothing to fit in a tiny space in their mind or heart. That’s when I want to be completely gone.

I always wondered why was I placed in this world, this situation, this emotion, to have a taste of the so-called colours of life? Why do I have to live my life like this while waiting for the day I die?

Why can’t I find a person who will completely be there and remember all these little things that are like treasures to me?

I can’t even try to love a person because whenever I thought of giving, that one moment will reminds me that they won’t be the perfect person that I could trust forever. Someday they will let me down again.

I can trust nobody. I can’t trust anybody. Do I even trust myself?

My heart aches more as I grow up.

the end; a new beginning…

so finally after 7 months going through all the planning to make this grand exit…

YAYYY TO JOBLESS LIFE AGAIN!

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but august almost come to an end,

and i haven’t get ready all the necessary stuff to start my new life in lion city.

too busy doing nothing,

attended endless farewell eat-all-you-can-meal,

but i’m glad i made a short trip down south to lion city…

I GOT A JOB OFFER! (yay to income flowing in!)

i hadn’t really enjoy much of my jobless life yet though.

hmmm wish me luck for this new beginning.

i’m not bragging, but i’d prefer being jobless, a loner.