it doesn’t fit…

In every different stages of life, I would have a struggling moment when I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. No matter how hard I hope for it to stay the same.

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I hate the fact that it is constantly reminding me that I need to grow up; I need to move on; I need to be on my own. Even if the relationship remained but distance makes us feel apart. No matter how promises are there to guarantee the future, my heart knows the truth. New people, new attention. I’m left alone again.

Why can’t it just be the same forever?

Does that mean, I should put my attention on something new, someone new again?

That just makes my heart ache even more when all these little things means so much to me but yet I found out that it worth nothing to fit in a tiny space in their mind or heart. That’s when I want to be completely gone.

I always wondered why was I placed in this world, this situation, this emotion, to have a taste of the so-called colours of life? Why do I have to live my life like this while waiting for the day I die?

Why can’t I find a person who will completely be there and remember all these little things that are like treasures to me?

I can’t even try to love a person because whenever I thought of giving, that one moment will reminds me that they won’t be the perfect person that I could trust forever. Someday they will let me down again.

I can trust nobody. I can’t trust anybody. Do I even trust myself?

My heart aches more as I grow up.

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