i do not know how high was my stress level when i am living in singapore…
i hate my job and i do not enjoy working aimlessly,
all i do is just thinking about my salary, my working visa and my family back home,
all i know is i could not understand my family’s problem and…
i just wanna screw things up even more for them,
so they would care and do something to make life easier for me.
i do not want to tell them anything
because i do not know what i want too.
i thought i shall just leave and take a break,
maybe for a few months,
but deep in my heart,
i know i will take a long time to heal.
i really enjoy living in singapore
but i get offended by people who treat us like
we are only there for the money.
i just wanna make my life much more manageable
and my parents could live a better life with my brother in a better country.
i love my country a lot but reality is cruel,
i can not just sit there and wait for things to become better in my own country.
but i miss my friends and many little things in my hometown too,
i want to stay as long as i could in singapore,
but i do not know how i come to a conclusion that i want to go back to malaysia.
i starts hating the people i know in singapore,
avoiding them, being cold to them.
a childish revenge.
friends tried introducing more friends to me,
hoping i would enjoy my life there.
but stubborn me, choose to leave,
without knowing what’s ahead for my future.
i try to find a reason to stay,
but i am afraid i would regret it later
if i do not leave sooner.
i know i will miss singapore someday.
sometimes, i hope i know what i want and stop screwing things up.